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It’s usually based on an obsession, or idealization, more than a genuine appreciation and acceptance of who the other person is. Well, when you love someone, it is pretty effortless.
There is a tremendous difference between real, true love and unhealthy obsession or fixation… It is true and pure – you don’t need them to be any certain way.
I think most women run into issues and confusion in their love lives because they don’t know what a truly healthy relationship looks like, and is supposed to feel like.
And it’s not surprising given the very unrealistic portrayals of love in movies, TV, and music.
You feel like until you have this, you are not OK and will not be OK.
When you’re fixated on someone, your relationship ceases to be about enjoyment and effortlessness.
Some degree of infatuation is fine, but a relationship entirely rooted in infatuation is usually doomed.
So what’s the root cause of this destructive force of fixation?
How can you completely banish it from your love life, so love has a chance to flourish and grow? Simple, however, does not always translate to easy.
You don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worrying that you might screw something up. You don’t feel like you’re suffocating, wishing and hoping to finally get some sweet relief and get to breathe. In fact, you never even think about possibly losing them because you don’t feel you need to possess them in order to experience the love you have for them. Yes, popular songs it sound like it’s supposed to be. But movies and music are wrong, love is meant to be effortless and easy. Why is breaking your fixation essential to having success in your love life?
OK, so I talked earlier about what fixation feels like and how it’s the biggest warning sign that you’re trying to have a relationship with a bad match (that is, a match that isn’t going to work out in the long term and will drain your life, heart and soul until there’s nothing left…).
There is this idea that we have one soul mate and that real love stories are supposed to be filled with obstacles and drama.